Feeling like a quitter - scratched the 100 Back

I've never scratched an event at a big meet before.  This weekend I experienced my limit of training.  Thinking back, I've had a heck of a month:

• I've been swimming every day for about 2 weeks which included a 2 day meet last weekend prior to this 3 day meet.  
• This meet was my 4th meet in 30 days which covered 2 continents, travel to 4 countries, 2 international flights, two 5 hour drives, and two 1.5 hour drives and staying in multiple hotels, away from my own bed.
• Between practice and meets, I worked long hours and did my best balancing life, some of those balancing acts failed and I disappointed important people in my life

In retrospect, to successfully finish out this tough month, I should have scratched the 100 Free, 100 Fly and perhaps the 50 free.  I should have taken last Wednesday off and been fresh to drive to Purdue on Friday to tear up the 100m back Saturday (today).  I made the choice to swim all my events with hopes that I'd drop some time in the 100 fly or 50 free.  I will learn from this experience.

I made the judgement call to scratch my 100m back today and drive home early.  I gave it a lot of thought and I felt that it was not benefical to swim a 58high-59low 100m backstroke.  A bad swim would hurt my self esteem and make me further question my training.  I know what I need to do and I valued some additional rest versus a bad swim.  As soon as I scratched, I started to regret it, mostly out of guilt.  I get so few chances to race LCM and here I was throwing away the chance.  The decision made me feel like a quitter, like I was retreating from a battle, yet, even a day later, I think I made the right choice.

I look forward to some continued training changes, I've been heading in the right direction by increasing my training load.  I've been sporadically joining Middle Distance and remaining in Sprint on certain days.  I think the increased workload will eventually pay off and it helps me get through the workouts which before this change I felt were too easy or not relevant for a 100 meter race.  With mixed results at the Indianapolis Grand Prix, I look forward to how the coaches and swimmers will reflect upon the Sprint program as it stands.  In my opinion, they would be crazy to maintain the status quo.  I've been making some recommendations over the months regarding the need for more work, I hope their changes, if any, will at least semi follow that course.  I want the best for my team.

I'm taking Saturday and Sunday off to rest up.  I look forward to getting back to work on Monday after my batteries are recharged!