Shoulders, get your act together or find another job.

Kevin's Shoulders,

It's been brought to my attention that you have created issues within our organization that hinders the continued improvement of our performance in the pool. Your display of ability today was sub par to say the least. This is the type of poor performance and complaining that adversely affects the success of this organization. I'm recommending to the committee that you be put on probation until further notice. I will assign a group to watch over and review your performance until further notice. This committee will include:

Associated Ligaments
Biceps
Triceps
Elbow Joint
Ribcage
Middle Finger (Committee Chairman)

As you can imagine, the middle finger will inform you as to it's approval of your job or lack thereof. It is my hope that this issue is resolved quickly and training-as-usual is achieved in a reasonable amount of time. Thank you for your understanding regarding this issue. Please see the HR director for any specific questions. Thank you, --Management