Swimvitational 100 Backstroke

It's hard to be positive right now. There is really only one statement that sums up how I'm feeling about the 100 Back prelims:

That was an embarrassment.

I have to keep in mind that I came here to experience the pool, and I wasn't really rested, however I expected to be 57 or 58 in the 100 Back. Nothing about that race felt good. The start wasn't very good, my butterfly kicks were slow, my right hand caught nothing but air on the breakout, and it felt like it was impossible to catch water the first 50. The first half of my race is usually my strong point but today it felt slow, and it was slow. I took it out in a 28.03 which is about a second slower than I want to be. I flipped at the wall and I was already dead, I only kicked out to the 5 meter mark instead of the typical 10+ meters underwater. I gave it absolutely everything I had but it didn't amount to very much. I brought it home in a disappointing 32.10 to look up at the clock and see a 1:00.13, more than 3 seconds slower than I had been a month before. I was seeded 16th and finished 45th. It was one of those swims where I see my time, but I feel nothing but confusion... like there must have been a timing error... but of course that's never the case. I like swimming because it's just me and the clock. There is nobody to blame besides myself for a bad performance, no judges, no contact with other athletes. I need to analyze what I felt before, during and after the race, as well as consider changes in my training. Over the next few weeks I'll be writing down my thoughts about this race in hopes of finding out what changed from a month ago and figuring out a way to improve. I need to be much, MUCH better in 3 weeks at the Olympic Trials.

If I can find something positive in today's swim, I suppose it was beneficial to experience such an amazing facility and get used to the meet before I need to swim great here.

I'm disappointed in myself and my performance today. I hope I have a good 50 Free tomorrow. I'm going to go get some food and try to feel better about my swim.